Lots of frustration
Hiya everyone! Hope you all are having a good weekend. Mine has been good, for the most part. I spent some quality family time today during which my brothers managed to thoroughly embarrass me and my parents. But the emotion I’m feeling isn’t embarrassment, it’s frustration. I’m frustrated over quite a few things. This post is just going to be me venting, nothing special.
I’m frustrated that my little brother always is better than me. He’s 3 years younger than me and a much better runner. He can run miles and miles and he goes at a really fast pace. I wish I could run like him. He also has the metabolism of a beast. ED is jealous, and I’m frustrated that I have that jealous feeling and can’t just accept who I am. I always have to want to be better.
I’m frustrated that my mom isn’t leaving me alone when it comes to food. I know she means well and she’s my mom, but she really doesn’t need to know everything I ate at every meal. Also, all her telling me “you can eat this,” or “have some of that,” or “it’s okay to eat this,” is really starting to annoy me. I’m in multiple programs for my eating, and I’m working with a sponsor in a group called OA (for people with eating disorders of all types, even though OA stands for Overeaters Anonymous. I go for both sides of the coin, overeating at times and undereating at others.) to make sure that my eating plan is one that’s going to work for me. My mom doesn’t have an eating disorder, and she just doesn’t understand what it’s like to have one. I hope she never does, because I don’t want her to go through that, but it’s frustrating. That’s why I don’t like to share stuff with her, but then she thinks I’m being secretive and gets upset. I just can’t seem to work this out, no matter what I do. I’ve tried talking with her with my therapist there, I’ve had my sponsor talk to her, and I’ve talked to her myself, and I’ve written her letters. Don’t get me wrong, she’s a great mother, but when it comes to the eating disorder part, she needs to take a step back and let me work with my sponsor, who knows what I’m going through because she’s been in similar situations and made it through them in a positive way.
I’m also frustrated that running is an impact sport and that I have to start slowly. I’m not a patient person, and when I like something, I like to dive right into it. I don’t like having to work my way up to being good, I want to be good already. I know I need to learn to let go of this, but at the moment, it’s frustrating me that I’m just starting out and not that good at it.
Here’s the last thing that’s got me all upset. You know those 2 wire wrapped rings with the bead that I made the other day (here). I can’t seem to make those anymore. I don’t know what it is, maybe I need a ring mandrel with a bead groove in it to rest the bead. Maybe the beads are too small, maybe I’m just getting too worked up over a little thing, but I really enjoyed making those rings, and I wanted to make a ton of them. But the wire isn’t wrapping around the bead like it needs to, it’s just going over the top of the bead and getting all twisted up. It’s so aggravating!
Sorry for annoying you all with my long list of complaints. Have a good evening!