On A Downward Path

Hi everyone! I’ve been a little hesitant to share this part of my life right now, but I’m just gonna jump right in and do it. I’m sorry my past few posts have been so pessimistic, and this one isn’t going to be much better, so feel free to skip if you don’t want me to put a damper on your day. It’s just me venting/blog-journaling.

These past couple days haven’t been so great. There’s been a lot of frustration, a lot of negative feelings, and a lot of emotional eating, which is just getting me more down. That’s my eating disorder for ya (I’m a compulsive over/under eater, but lately it’s just been over eating). I don’t know what to do. I keep using excess food to stuff my emotions down, and a lot of it. I just feel really stuck, and really gross, kind of sick. I had been doing so well, following my meal plan for the past two weeks, but then after yesterday and a couple negative comments I got today, I’ve just been eating a ton. I wish I was able to reach out before I started, but it was just so impulsive. I just feel really down on myself, and wish I could break this cycle. I always say once I start that I’m going to stop… tomorrow. Then it gets moved to the next day, then the next day. I wish I was better at dealing with negative feelings. I feel like I’ve been doing everything I could. I’ve talked to my therapist about the feelings, to my mom, journaled, prayed, distracted myself, but I always wind up coming back to the food. Does anyone have any tips on how to get myself to reach out for help before I start eating, versus after? I just can’t seem to do it, and I’m not sure why it’s so hard for me. Any tips would be great. Thanks for reading and for letting me vent.

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