Hi everyone. Today has been a not so great day. I really just need to vent about it, so bear with me please. I promise tomorrow I’ll post something more positive, like a recipe or some jewelry making project.
For starters, I binged again today, and I didn’t reach out to anyone before hand, which made me really upset with myself. I feel positively sick and gross, and very depressed. When I told my mom, she said “good, you’re eating desserts again!” which was not what I wanted to hear. Not even close. I’m pretty mad at her, and I really want to just scream “Why can’t you be supportive in the ways I’ve asked you to be!!!” in her face. I just don’t get it. I ask her to help me stay away from sugar because it triggers my overeating, and she always offers me dessert. (Note that my binges are usually at summer school and a little bit at home, and they consist of a lot more than just a serving of dessert) I’ve decided that it’s time for a serious talk with my therapist at my weekly meeting on Friday. But really, I’m just mad at myself for not being able to handle my eating problems on my own. I don’t want to keep doing this, but I can’t seem to stop on my own, so I know I need to reach out, but for some reason, it’s really hard for me to do when I’m struggling. It’s so frustrating, I don’t get it.
Secondly, I just want to get it out there that the reason I have such a scabby/acne covered face is because I have dermatillomania, which means that I compulsively pick at my skin. (I do a lot of things compulsively as you can see). My mom told me that if I continue to pick at my face, then I won’t be allowed to go to my cousin’s bridal shower on Saturday because she doesn’t want to have to listen to her mom tell her how bad my face looks. Really, I’m livid. I’m contemplating telling her that if she doesn’t want me to go because of how my face looks, then I don’t want to go with her, period.
I guess that’s all worth mentioning. I’m not going to go into all the other little things bugging me. Gosh, I sound like such a pessimistic person. I swear I’m not always like this. I’ve just had a rough past couple of days. I just need to talk with my therapist and sponsor, journal, and pray some more, and hopefully tomorrow will be better. Thanks for reading, I appreciate it.