A Couple Steps Forward, A Bajillion Steps Backwards.

Sorry I’ve kind of stopped blogging for a little bit. I’ve been having a very rough week. I know this title sounds cliche but it really describes how I feel right now. So this post is going to be a little bit very negative.

About a week ago, I had four days of following my meal plan, being able to exercise, and calling my OA sponsor if I needed to talk to someone about pretty much anything. Then something happened, I can’t quite remember, and I started over eating (by a lot) last Wednesday night. Yikes, it’s almost been a week of that. Like I’ve said before, once I start with the binging/overeating, it’s really hard to get back on track following my meal plan. I feel just awful. The jeans I bought last week are really tight now and I’m not looking forward to my dietitian appointment tomorrow. This negativeness is also caused in part by the fact that my knee is getting worse, and I have no clue what’s wrong with it. I can’t do any form of exercise, even walking hurts. I feel so out of shape and just generally awful. The negative thoughts are running wild in my brain.

On the bright side, my mom is starting to recognize the signs that mean I’m in a binge phase and learning what to do in certain situations. I know I shouldn’t have to depend on her, but she does want to help. She’s learning what my trigger foods for binges are, what to say if I was to ask for them, and what not to say to me about food because it could really set me off. I’m very grateful that she’s learning and open to helping me. As much as I want to say “gosh, it’s about time!” I don’t know what I would do without her sometimes.

So today, I’m vowing to get back on track with my meal plan and become abstinent from the over eating. Even if that means having to give up certain foods because I can’t seem to eat them in normal quantities/portions, that’s what I have to do. I will follow my meal plan. I will journal. I will call my sponsor if I’m having trouble. I will structure my time so I’m not bored. I will use the new polishing station I got for my jewelry making! Yay shiny stuff!

What self improvement task(s) are you working on right now?

Have a good day everyone, thanks for reading šŸ™‚

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9 Comments

  1. I can relate to this. When I start, it is harder to realize that there can be a stopping point. For these kind of moments i go for the quick type distractions like a note carrying around all the time or an elastic band around my wrist or a quick walk outside. Your mom sounds super helpful so that is a great point to use! Hang in there, I will be thinking of you.

  2. i totally feel you on the being injured and frustrated part. my ankles are just dysfunctional and it sucks. and thats great your mom is being so supportive. great support systems are so necessary all the time, not only when you’re struggling. hang in there, girl!

  3. Linda

    If you reread your post, you will find that it is not all that negative, Jacki. It had a lot of positives in it too! It must have felt like a bajillion steps backward, but it really wasn’t and it certainly sounds like you are trying very hard to get back on track. You are very perceptive about your ED behavior and are working really hard; please give yourself several pats on the back.

    Love ya, lots and lots,
    Aunt Linda

  4. foodaddictionrecovery

    Aww… I hope you get back on track and feel better. Best of luck and well wishes

  5. One day at a time, sweet little sister, you are able to do anything! Abstinent one moment, one breath, one moment at a time, with every planned meal a feast and every moment between them a spiritual fast, you can live grateful and not fearful. Trading pity for power will only hurt for a that single moment when self-will realizes it won’t get its way. Every moment of the day after that will make that one shorter and less painful. Our families and friends can be supportive, but they can never be our Higher Power. The Creator of the universe has demonstrated that He finds you worth dying for! You are certainly worth putting down the fork and picking up the faith. Breathe deep. It’s the Spirit of Life you’re breathing, and the One who made you can re-make you starting right NOW.

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