Well, I Did It…

I never imagined I’d write a post about this, but I’m having a lot of feelings over something I just did. So I’m going to blog about it, because that’s what I do 😉

I told my orchestra teachers that I’m not continuing with orchestra. If you had told me a year ago that I’d soon be leaving orchestra after playing for 7 years, I’d tell you off in some way or another. I loved orchestra and couldn’t wait to be in the high school orchestra. But then I got there, and it was less than fun. I don’t want to sound like someone who backs out when the going gets tough, but it was a lot of work for me. We’re required to be in a sort of extra curricular orchestra that meets after school once a week from about 7 pm to 9:30 pm. I also have to schlep a bass around, which is bigger than me. I actually am gonna kind of miss that, I enjoyed all the odd looks I got from strangers 😉 Then there’s the fact that during the school day, rehearsals were an hour and a half long (but every other day). That, I could really not stand. I also just wasn’t having fun or enjoying the music. So therefore, I had zero motivation to practice, so I wasn’t giving it my all. That’s not fair to the rest of the orchestra. So I combined all these reasons, plus the overhanging dread I felt about being in orchestra again next year, and switched out with a guidance counselor (not my regular one) who was working at the summer school office.

This was all about a month ago though. Why am I waiting until now to share it? Why are the feelings coming up now? Because I just e-mailed my orchestra teachers to tell them. This brings up a lot of embarrassment and general negativity. I don’t mean to brag, but I was pretty good and so were the other bass players who are still in the orchestra, and the orchestra teachers were planning to feature the bass section this upcoming year. I feel like I let them down by not being there to help out. I also just feel like a flat out wuss for dropping out.

But there’s no going back now, I’d be unhappy doing that anyways. There’s just a lot of mixed emotions in my head, and I thank you all for letting me vent them here. I really needed to get this out.
Now… a little legs/knees update:

Yesterday I tried biking again because the personal trainer I’m working with suggested it. I also walked my dogs… in flip flops. Probably not the smartest choice. One or both of these, probably the later, has left me with a really sharp pain in the left side of my right knee whenever I walk. Not fun. I’m gonna try biking again though, because my knees felt fine after I was done with the biking, which was earlier in the day. It was later in the day that the pain started. We also got a heart rate monitor so I can stay within a specific zone for working out. For some reason, it’s kind of fun to use!

Thanks again for listening to me, it really means a lot to me.

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9 Comments

  1. Linda

    Good for you for getting that done and out of the way. I’m sure it was a bittersweet decision, but you need to trust yourself that you did the right thing. And getting it over with is always so much better than procrastinating. What plans do you have for that big, beautiful bass of yours?

    • I don’t know, my parents will probably keep it somewhere in case I decide to pick it up again in/after college. If not, we may try to sell it, but it’s a really nice bass. I’ll be sad to see it go.

  2. gosh I am sorry about the pain. I am glad you did what you thought was best, you can always still play on your own but finding what you love to do is what matters.

    • Thanks, and for me that’s psychology, I think. This opens up the door for me to take all kinds of psychology classes at my school 🙂

  3. tljax

    I have spent more than twenty years thinking I was a disappointment to my mentor, my HS band director, for not playing in the college band and keeping up my saxophone. I went to his retirement party recently and apologized for letting him down. He laughed, looked hurt and astonished, and insisted I was never a disappointment. It was all in my head! I missed out on two decades of relationship with him for fear of a rejection that never happened. What a waste! You are much wiser than I, to address it now.

    • Thank you for sharing that story, it helped me 🙂 I hope if you want that relationship, I hope you were able to rekindle it.

      • Thanks. We definitely destroyed the barrier between us! I’m still recovering from the old habits of a self-absorbed lifestyle, and have to learn how to socially extend myself. But I believe, as I begin to widen my circle it will include this dear friend.

  4. Good job, and I’m really glad that you were able to quit it when you realized that you weren’t having fun with orchestra anymore. Life is too short to be doing stuff you don’t enjoy, and I bet your teachers will be kinda disappointed that they won’t see you as often (especially since they probably treasured you as a good student/player/pupil) but I highly doubt that they’re disappointed IN you. This choice was definitely a good one for you, and kudos for doing it! 🙂

    • Thanks, I got an e-mail back from them saying that they’ll miss me and if I ever want to come back to come talk to them. I think it went over really well, much better than I imagined 🙂

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