Well, I Did It…

I never imagined I’d write a post about this, but I’m having a lot of feelings over something I just did. So I’m going to blog about it, because that’s what I do 😉

I told my orchestra teachers that I’m not continuing with orchestra. If you had told me a year ago that I’d soon be leaving orchestra after playing for 7 years, I’d tell you off in some way or another. I loved orchestra and couldn’t wait to be in the high school orchestra. But then I got there, and it was less than fun. I don’t want to sound like someone who backs out when the going gets tough, but it was a lot of work for me. We’re required to be in a sort of extra curricular orchestra that meets after school once a week from about 7 pm to 9:30 pm. I also have to schlep a bass around, which is bigger than me. I actually am gonna kind of miss that, I enjoyed all the odd looks I got from strangers 😉 Then there’s the fact that during the school day, rehearsals were an hour and a half long (but every other day). That, I could really not stand. I also just wasn’t having fun or enjoying the music. So therefore, I had zero motivation to practice, so I wasn’t giving it my all. That’s not fair to the rest of the orchestra. So I combined all these reasons, plus the overhanging dread I felt about being in orchestra again next year, and switched out with a guidance counselor (not my regular one) who was working at the summer school office.

This was all about a month ago though. Why am I waiting until now to share it? Why are the feelings coming up now? Because I just e-mailed my orchestra teachers to tell them. This brings up a lot of embarrassment and general negativity. I don’t mean to brag, but I was pretty good and so were the other bass players who are still in the orchestra, and the orchestra teachers were planning to feature the bass section this upcoming year. I feel like I let them down by not being there to help out. I also just feel like a flat out wuss for dropping out.

But there’s no going back now, I’d be unhappy doing that anyways. There’s just a lot of mixed emotions in my head, and I thank you all for letting me vent them here. I really needed to get this out.
Now… a little legs/knees update:

Yesterday I tried biking again because the personal trainer I’m working with suggested it. I also walked my dogs… in flip flops. Probably not the smartest choice. One or both of these, probably the later, has left me with a really sharp pain in the left side of my right knee whenever I walk. Not fun. I’m gonna try biking again though, because my knees felt fine after I was done with the biking, which was earlier in the day. It was later in the day that the pain started. We also got a heart rate monitor so I can stay within a specific zone for working out. For some reason, it’s kind of fun to use!

Thanks again for listening to me, it really means a lot to me.

• Posted in: feelings/emotions ♦ life ♦ School
• Tagged: dropping a class, feeling sheepish, knee pain, leg pain, mixed emotions, mixed feelings, orchestra