Michigan 2012 Vacation Update

Hi everyone, I have a good half hour while my dad is on his conference call to give an update on how the vacation to Michigan is going. So far, it’s been good and bad. It was a long drive up to Traverse City (6 hours) but I got to do drive for an hour and a half on the expressway, I even went 80mph at one point! It’s been fun to spend time with my family, and the water park at Great Wolf Lodge was lots of fun. My brothers and I went down the the biggest slide together and we went really fast. It was a lot of fun for them, and I was glad I could make them smile. Also, running against the flow of the lazy river is a great workout for your thighs!
Right now we are staying at a best western in Mackinaw City and will be going to Mackinac Island in a bit. The hotel is okay. It has a fitness center that gets the job done, which I guess is all I really need. The food isn’t that healthy, but nothing on this vacation has been, which brings me to the one thing I really need to get off my chest.
I broke my Plan of Abstinence 😦 I’m kind of upset with myself, and my mom, because she just let me. I know i need to be a big girl and do this myself, but we just had a family therapy session where we talked about hosuckle is like a drug to me and I need help to stay away from sweets. We went to Moomers Ice cream on Sunday and she just let me get a huge Ice cream sandwich, and believe me, I ate the whole thing, and I got fudge at the hotel bakery later with my brother who didn’t have Ice cream. Then, yesterday, I had a piece of coconut cream pie at lunch and some more fudge after dinner. I’ve also just been going over my meal plan A LOT at every meal. I know I’ve gained 5 lbs so far this vacation due to a scale in the workout room. I don’t know why I’ve been eating so much and can’t seem to stay away from sweets. What feelings or thoughts am I trying to stuff? I’ve been trying to think about it, but the only feelings that come up are anger that I’m eating so much and depression that I’ve been eating so much. It’s not a good cycle. Plus, my cold got worse because of all the sugar. At least excess weight gained can always be lost.

So that’s an update on my vacation. Either late tomorrow night or early Thursday morning I’ll post pictures of Mackinac Island and how the rest of the vacation went.

How has your week been so far?
What is your favorite place to vacation to or most wanted place to vacation to?

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July 28, 2012, Bridal Shower!

Hi all! Today I went to a bridal shower at Bravo! Cucina Italiana in Milwaukee Wisconsin. It was really fun, and I won a prize (foamy hand soap) when playing gift bingo. We also did trivia about the bride, who is my cousin, and a wedding word scramble. It was really fun, and lunch was great. I had a turkey, bacon, and avocado sandwich on whole wheat bread. Sorry, no picture, we got our food around 2pm and I was too hungry to take a picture. It was soooo good! As you can probably guess, I’m not vegetarian. I do love animals though, don’t get me wrong. I just love meat too. I did eat over my meal plan at the shower, though, and I’m a little upset about that, but it wasn’t by much, so that’s better than a full out binge. That was the main event for today, though. My mom and I left at 11 am and I drove the whole way up! It took an hour and twenty minutes, so now I have thirty seven hours and twenty minutes out of my required fifty hours of driving before I can get my license in November! Yay driving! We got back around 5:30pm and then changed out of our fancy clothes. Then we went to dinner at whole foods. They never disappoint me with their awesome selection of just about everything. I always find something good. They have these sweet potato tortilla chips that are amazing. I’ll have to get a pack and stop mooching off samples after I get back from vacation!

Speaking of vacation, my family leaves tomorrow morning. I’m not sure when I’ll get to post next, but I’ll do my best to take a lot of pictures. I couldn’t take any today because the lighting at Bravo was terrible and everything turned out blurry 😦

What did you do today?

Talk to you all later!

Recipe Post: BBQ Pulled Chicken!

Hi everyone! Today was another pretty good day. I’m coming down with a cold though, so that kind of sucks, but today was a pretty good day overall. So far, I haven’t used any eating disorder behaviors, and I hope to keep it that way. I’ve got plenty of things planned for the rest of the evening to keep me busy. I finished up my summer school class, History Of Baseball. It was a lot of fun and I learned a lot of interesting things, and watched  some really good movies. I’ll miss everyone in the class, but I’ll have the teacher for AP psychology my senior year.

Lately, I’ve been in the mood for barbeque/picnic foods. Baked beans, potato chips, potato salad, and barbeque pulled chicken. So I asked my mom to make this recipe that I found online. It turned out delicious! I froze almost all that was leftover. There wasn’t much!

As I mentioned earlier, today was a pretty good day. I managed to eat according to my meal plan and, despite my cold, am feeling pretty good. I did Week 2 Day 2 on my 10k trainer app. It cleared up my nose really nicely!

I’ve decided to go with my mom to the bridal shower tomorrow, I’m even going to get to drive part of the way! I’m not sure what they’re having, but since it’s at a restaurant I’m not really comfortable with, and it starts at one, I’m going to bring my own lunch and eat in the car. It’s about the people, not the food, anyways.

Sunday, my family leaves for Traverse City, Michigan, and then to Mackinac Island. I’m a little nervous because I’ll be out of my comfort zone food and exercise wise, but it’s only four days, so it’s not like a major change or anything. Plus, we get to bring a cooler because of my brother’s medications, so I can bring some snacks that need refrigeration in addition to ones that don’t. I’m sure it’ll be fine though, and I’ll take lots of pictures and be sure to write all about it!

What have you been in the mood to eat recently?

Do you have any events you’re looking forward to coming up?

July 26, 2012, A Fairly Decent Day

Hiya everyone! I’m proud to say that today is the first day all week that I have not over eaten! While I’m not proud that this is the first time all week and it’s already Thursday, I’m proud that I had the strength to follow my meal plan and didn’t give into my ED thoughts and urges. They were there, trust me, there were plenty of times I wanted to down a quart of Oberwise ice cream or much on a couple doughnuts from the school cafeteria, but I made it through following my meal plan! It was really hard to get out of that negative rut, but I’m so thankful to my higher power that I had the strength to. I hope and pray that tomorrow holds the same for me, that I have the strength to follow my meal plan, not overeat, and reach out for help if I need it. That last part has been the hardest for me.

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In other news, I went to the dentist today, and I escaped cavity free. There was something on a molar that they thought might be a cavity, but it turned out to be okay! Yay for not having to pay large bills for getting a cavity filled! I love going to the dentist, my teeth always feel so clean and smooth after. Plus they have mango flavored toothpaste.

How was your day? Have there been any challenges for you to face?

Do you like going to the dentist?

Recipe Post: Aztec Salad

Hi everyone! As promised, here’s a recipe that I modeled after something in my school’s cafeteria. Aztec salad! It’s comprised of a corn and black bean salad, roasted red peppers, and grilled chicken, all served over lettuce.

  1. First, a while before you actually make the salad, marinate some boneless, skinless chicken breasts in lime juice and cilantro.
  2. Later, preheat your grill to whatever temperature you grill chicken at (we set ours on high to preheat and then reduce to medium to grill). You will also roast the peppers at the same time the chicken is on the grill.
  3. Grill the chicken and roast the peppers (my mom puts them in a paper bag) until they are done by whatever method of grilling you like to use. Everyone’s different.
  4. While the chicken and peppers are cooking, mix together a corn and bean salad consisting of2 cups corn kernels
    1 can black beans, rinsed and drained
    1 tomato, diced
    1 red pepper, diced
    1/4 cup diced red onion
    2 tsp cumin
    the juice of one lime

    Just mix all the ingredients together. If you want to make this in advance and chill, that’s fine too.

  5. When the chicken is at your desired doneness and the peppers are nice and soft, remove them from the grill. Cut the chicken breast into strips and the peppers as well. You can peel the skin off the peppers or leave it on. My family chooses to leave it on.
  6. What my family does is let everyone assemble their own salad versus making it in one big bowl. If you do it that way, make a little assembly line on a counter starting with lettuce, chicken, peppers, then the corn and bean salad. If you want to just combine everything in a bowl, go ahead, that’s perfect too. Enjoy!

Picture coming next time I have it for dinner 😉

Continuing Downward

Hi everyone. Today has been a not so great day. I really just need to vent about it, so bear with me please. I promise tomorrow I’ll post something more positive, like a recipe or some jewelry making project.

For starters, I binged again today, and I didn’t reach out to anyone before hand, which made me really upset with myself. I feel positively sick and gross, and very depressed. When I told my mom, she said “good, you’re eating desserts again!” which was not what I wanted to hear. Not even close. I’m pretty mad at her, and I really want to just scream “Why can’t you be supportive in the ways I’ve asked you to be!!!” in her face. I just don’t get it. I ask her to help me stay away from sugar because it triggers my overeating, and she always offers me dessert. (Note that my binges are usually at summer school and a little bit at home, and they consist of a lot more than just a serving of dessert) I’ve decided that it’s time for a serious talk with my therapist at my weekly meeting on Friday. But really, I’m just mad at myself for not being able to handle my eating problems on my own. I don’t want to keep doing this, but I can’t seem to stop on my own, so I know I need to reach out, but for some reason, it’s really hard for me to do when I’m struggling. It’s so frustrating, I don’t get it.

Secondly, I just want to get it out there that the reason I have such a scabby/acne covered face is because I have dermatillomania, which means that I compulsively pick at my skin. (I do a lot of things compulsively as you can see). My mom told me that if I continue to pick at my face, then I won’t be allowed to go to my cousin’s bridal shower on Saturday because she doesn’t want to have to listen to her mom tell her how bad my face looks. Really, I’m livid. I’m contemplating telling her that if she doesn’t want me to go because of how my face looks, then I don’t want to go with her, period.

I guess that’s all worth mentioning. I’m not going to go into all the other little things bugging me. Gosh, I sound like such a pessimistic person. I swear I’m not always like this. I’ve just had a rough past couple of days. I just need to talk with my therapist and sponsor, journal, and pray some more, and hopefully tomorrow will be better. Thanks for reading, I appreciate it.

On A Downward Path

Hi everyone! I’ve been a little hesitant to share this part of my life right now, but I’m just gonna jump right in and do it. I’m sorry my past few posts have been so pessimistic, and this one isn’t going to be much better, so feel free to skip if you don’t want me to put a damper on your day. It’s just me venting/blog-journaling.

These past couple days haven’t been so great. There’s been a lot of frustration, a lot of negative feelings, and a lot of emotional eating, which is just getting me more down. That’s my eating disorder for ya (I’m a compulsive over/under eater, but lately it’s just been over eating). I don’t know what to do. I keep using excess food to stuff my emotions down, and a lot of it. I just feel really stuck, and really gross, kind of sick. I had been doing so well, following my meal plan for the past two weeks, but then after yesterday and a couple negative comments I got today, I’ve just been eating a ton. I wish I was able to reach out before I started, but it was just so impulsive. I just feel really down on myself, and wish I could break this cycle. I always say once I start that I’m going to stop… tomorrow. Then it gets moved to the next day, then the next day. I wish I was better at dealing with negative feelings. I feel like I’ve been doing everything I could. I’ve talked to my therapist about the feelings, to my mom, journaled, prayed, distracted myself, but I always wind up coming back to the food. Does anyone have any tips on how to get myself to reach out for help before I start eating, versus after? I just can’t seem to do it, and I’m not sure why it’s so hard for me. Any tips would be great. Thanks for reading and for letting me vent.

Am I too sensitive, or just plain stubborn?

So tonight my family was going out to Red Lobster for dinner. my family likes to eat early, like 5, when we go out to restaurants because to my dad, it’s so important that we beat the crowd. Normally they’ll eat about 5:30-6 when we are at home, and I like to eat at 6:30 or later, but I’ve been trying to compromise by eating at about 6 lately to eat with them. But now it’s 4:42 and we are on the way to the restaurant. It’s not far, but man it’s early and I’m totally not hungry, or happy. It’s way too early. I asked my dad if we could leave at five, and this is the reply I got, in a pretty mean tone of voice.

“No. You just are thinking about your self and trying to get us to change our plans for your selfish purpose.”

I was not expecting to hear that, I thought we would work out a compromise and leave at like 4:50 or something. But now I’m really upset and the negative thoughts are really getting to me.

“you’re a selfish b****”
“shut up and just go along with what other people want, who cares about what you want?”
“you shouldn’t even go with”
“just drown it out by eating a lot of food at the restaurant”

I know those are a bit harsh, and not healthy, but I can’t help wonder if I’m overreacting to this and am too sensitive. But really, I just feel selfish and stubborn. Thanks for listening, just posting about it helped me realize the absurdity of those thoughts and helped me to feel better. Have a good evening!

Lots of frustration

Hiya everyone! Hope you all are having a good weekend. Mine has been good, for the most part. I spent some quality family time today during which my brothers managed to thoroughly embarrass me and my parents. But the emotion I’m feeling isn’t embarrassment, it’s frustration. I’m frustrated over quite a few things. This post is just going to be me venting, nothing special.

I’m frustrated that my little brother always is better than me. He’s 3 years younger than me and a much better runner. He can run miles and miles and he goes at a really fast pace. I wish I could run like him. He also has the metabolism of a beast. ED is jealous, and I’m frustrated that I have that jealous feeling and can’t just accept who I am. I always have to want to be better.

I’m frustrated that my mom isn’t leaving me alone when it comes to food. I know she means well and she’s my mom, but she really doesn’t need to know everything I ate at every meal. Also, all her telling me “you can eat this,” or “have some of that,” or “it’s okay to eat this,” is really starting to annoy me. I’m in multiple programs for my eating, and I’m working with a sponsor in a group called OA (for people with eating disorders of all types, even though OA stands for Overeaters Anonymous. I go for both sides of the coin, overeating at times and undereating at others.) to make sure that my eating plan is one that’s going to work for me. My mom doesn’t have an eating disorder, and she just doesn’t understand what it’s like to have one. I hope she never does, because I don’t want her to go through that, but it’s frustrating. That’s why I don’t like to share stuff with her, but then she thinks I’m being secretive and gets upset. I just can’t seem to work this out, no matter what I do. I’ve tried talking with her with my therapist there, I’ve had my sponsor talk to her, and I’ve talked to her myself, and I’ve written her letters. Don’t get me wrong, she’s a great mother, but when it comes to the eating disorder part, she needs to take a step back and let me work with my sponsor, who knows what I’m going through because she’s been in similar situations and made it through them in a positive way.

I’m also frustrated that running is an impact sport and that I have to start slowly. I’m not a patient person, and when I like something, I like to dive right into it. I don’t like having to work my way up to being good, I want to be good already. I know I need to learn to let go of this, but at the moment, it’s frustrating me that I’m just starting out and not that good at it.

Here’s the last thing that’s got me all upset. You know those 2 wire wrapped rings with the bead that I made the other day (here). I can’t seem to make those anymore. I don’t know what it is, maybe I need a ring mandrel with a bead groove in it to rest the bead. Maybe the beads are too small, maybe I’m just getting too worked up over a little thing, but I really enjoyed making those rings, and I wanted to make a ton of them. But the wire isn’t wrapping around the bead like it needs to, it’s just going over the top of the bead and getting all twisted up. It’s so aggravating!

Sorry for annoying you all with my long list of complaints. Have a good evening!

The Right Shoe Changes Everything

The Michelin Man says that the right tire changes everything. I think the same principle applies to running and exercise in general. Your shoes are like the tires of a car. They’re what hit the ground. They need to be in good condition and built to do a good job. Bad shoes can lead to injuries, or at least up your chance of getting injuries. That’s why I want a little information from all you runners/exercisers out there.

What brands make good running/exercise shoes?

What do you think of the running shoes with toes?

What shoes do you use and why?

What defines a good running/exercising shoe to you?

 

Any and all input is greatly appreciated. Thank you 🙂

 

I’d say a little bit about my day too, but not much happened. My family had Aztec Salad for dinner, which was super yummy. That’s about as exciting as my day got. And later my brother got mad at me because I said he should go to yoga in the afternoon tomorrow instead of the morning because my parents have a lot going on in the morning. That’s not exciting, but the most intense conversation I had all day. I got up, went to summer school, came home, did some jewelry making, wrote a bit, exercised (day 2 of week 1 in my 10k trainer app, same workout as yesterday), and that’s about all I really did. How was your Friday? What are you going to do this weekend?